I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
