all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
