yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
