He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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