I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
