just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
