Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
