im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
