Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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