I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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