You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
