i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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