Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
