mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
