My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
