Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
