Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
