remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
