I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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