so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
