i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
