I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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