I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
