you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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