Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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