I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
