I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
