I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
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