When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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