hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
