Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
