I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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