I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
