You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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