you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
