well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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