I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You ate ashes out of my bong
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
