I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
