I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
last night I used snow as a chaser
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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