he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize