Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
farters have to be the big spoon...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
