butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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