I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
