Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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