I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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