All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
