i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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