well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
