found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
