i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
