You just made me feel so damn special
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
